SODA SCIENCE: Cocaine is a Drug

So remember back in the day when I tried and disliked an energy drink called Cocaine? It must have been because it is actually a DRUG, according to the FDA.

The Food and Drug Administration said Redux Beverages LLC is illegally marketing the drink as both a street drug alternative and a dietary supplement, according to a warning letter dated April 4 but publicly released Wednesday. The FDA cites as evidence the drink's own labeling and Web site, which include the statements "Speed in a Can," "Liquid Cocaine" and "Cocaine -- Instant Rush," according to the letter.

In addition, dietary supplements cannot carry claims to prevent or treat a disease -- something only drugs can do, according to the letter. The Cocaine Web site lists an ingredient called inositol and says it reduces cholesterol and helps prevent hardening of the arteries, among other health claims, the FDA said.

"Your product, Cocaine, is a drug," the three-page letter reads in part. It's also a new drug and as such cannot be sold without FDA approval. In addition, the FDA said the product is mislabeled since it doesn't include "adequate directions for its intended uses."

You can read the whole story here, including the part where the company is actually trying to trademark the word "cocaine." Geez, where do they get the energy to do all this stuff at once?

SODA SCIENCE: The Harcourt Theory of Flavor

Here's the latest dispatch from Kris Harcourt, Aussie entrepreneur extraordinaire, who posits a scientific connection among three of the most popular sodas out there:

Only 3 sodas in the marketplace (that I can think of) are unique and original flavors...Coke, Mountain Dew, and Dr. Pepper. Everything else is a plagiarism of pre-existing flavors from nature, usually fruit-derived. Coke and Mountain Dew introduced something completely original that are derivatives of nothing that came before them. As for Dr. Pepper, given that it was created by a pharmacist means it definitely makes the list of "invented in a lab."

I have previously suggested that root beer was another sui generis taste, but my homonymic homie Harcourt argues that root beer is based on the sarsaparilla root, which comes from nature, not from a lab. What do you think? (And no, that's not a picture of Kris. It's a baby yak.)

SODA SCIENCE: Benzoate + Ascorbic Acid = Panic

In Apparently Alarming News About Innocuous Things That Turn Out to Be Almost Entirely Harmless, a report on WPXI in my homeland of Pittsburgh (go Stillers!) screeches that SODA WILL GIVE YOU CANCER. Well, that's what it leads with, but here's the real Soda Science: a few sodas that contain the preservatives sodium benzoate or potassium benzoate AND ascorbic acid (you know it as Vitamin C), CAN, in the presence of copper and iron (common elements in water), form benzene, a badass chemical also found in gasoline and cigarette smoke.

First of all, this news will only serve to encourage nihilistic teens to seek out and guzzle the killer sodas so as to get the combined effects of huffing and smoking, all with a delightfully fruity taste. Second of all, I checked out the actual FDA report, which reveals that only four (4) out of 100 (one hundred) beverages tested had levels of benzene higher than the legal level for drinking water, and all the offending companies are reformulating those sodas. Thirdwise, look at that picture. I refuse to believe that any molecule shaped like a Nerf throwing star can hurt me.