Monday, April 23, 2007

SODA SHOWDOWN: Cactus Cooler vs. Squirt

Category: Orange/Grapefruit Soda, Grapefruit Soda
Ratings (out of 5)
Taste: Cactus Cooler 3, Squirt 3
Fizziness Factor: Cactus Cooler 3, Squirt 3
Bottle/Can Design: Cactus Cooler 4, Squirt 4
Availability: Cactus Cooler 1, Squirt 1

Which dark horse bottled under the authority of Dr. Pepper/7UP will win the Obscure Grapefruit Soda Derby? First up is Cactus Cooler, a Southern California regional favorite (?) whose flavor purports to be "Orange Pineapple Blast." The truth is that it tastes exactly—and I mean molecule for molecule—like a mildly carbonated, liquid version of Bayer's Orange Children's Aspirin circa the late 1970s. It's astoundingly sweet, and it's even got that chalkiness that dries out your mouth and makes you want another one, even though you know it's gonna make you feel pukey and you'll have to go lie down.

Squirt, thankfully, is not so saccharine. It even tastes somewhat like a grapefruit (as interpreted by Willy Wonka). It's murky yellowish color makes it look more "natural" than the neon orange Cactus Cooler, and it does contain about 1% bona fide grapefruit juice. Another ingredient in Squirt (and Cactus Cooler) is something called esther of wood rosin. When I see the word "rosin," I immediately think of is the fiddle competition in "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," but apparently this rosin is more about stabilizing citrus oils than outplaying Satan. As for the competition between Cactus Cooler and Squirt, it ended in a dead heat. Both of them go to 11, but not in a good way. (Total Scores: Cactus Cooler 11, Squirt 11)

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

cactus cooler is way better than squirt. squirt just tastes like crap

Anonymous said...

I love both of these drinks. But Cactus Cooler is not available where I live, even though I live among the cacti appearing on the can.

Anonymous said...

cactus cooler is by far the better choice of the two.
the ester of wood rosin is a dynamic addition to this flavorful concoction. mm! it makes me want one right now. oh wait, i do have one!

Anonymous said...

It's hard to compare Squirt with Cactus Cooler because one is grapefruit and one is orange/pineapple. But if I had to choose from the two, I would definitely pick Cactus Cooler. It's a can full of delicious.

Anonymous said...

I drink both - but Cactus Cooler wins for drinkability. Squirt just isn't that delicious. It's a nice change of pace but not a go-to drink.

What is up with the horrible distribution for this soda? Even non-Cacti states deserve Cactus Coolers.

Really I'd like to see both these soda's cut their sugar in half.

Then we'd actually have an option between uber sweet soda and nasty artificial sweeteners.

Anonymous said...

i like chocolate milk :)

2pac said...

i think squirt is soo discusting!!!!!!!!!:(

bob marley said...

weed's betta mon

JFrancis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zoneranger said...

Cactus Cooler...YabbaDabba Doo!!

Anonymous said...

Your taste buds are severely dysfunctional if you think Squirt taste better then Cactus Cooler. However everyone has their own opinion and that’s exactly what this is. Some people love Squirt some people love Cactus Cooler, now the fact that they are two totally different flavors why did you make a show down of them?

Orange Pineapple vs. Gross Grapefruit?

Anonymous said...

Cactus Cooler was always my favorite soda while growing up in So.Cal. Having now lived up in the pacific NW for 16 years, the only way I can get it is when we go on vacation to Utah or California, at which point we buy as much as we can. It's the best and even my kids who are born and raised up here love it.

Anonymous said...

I think you got you cups mixed up. If anything tastes like aspirin it would be Squirt. Cactus Cooler is way better.

Anonymous said...

Cactus Cooler tastes better on its own... however when mixed with Tequila, Squirt is far superior!!

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Anonymous said...

yeah, this is absurd. Cactus Cooler is by far the better tasting drink. My only issue with it (and this goes for Squirt too) is when they get slightly warm, the taste for both of them decrease significantly. However, equally chilled, the Cooler is much better.

Also, it's Orange/Pineapple Blast, not Orange/Grapefruit... so these can hardly even be compared.

Anonymous said...

This guys on crack if he thinks squirt is.better!!! Cactus.cooler 100%